Longing
by iheartShules
Summary: Jared thinks of Michaela (Not proofed, so I apologize in advance for the errors)


_**AN: New show and definitely a new ship for me :) I adore these two so much. So this is my first foray into writing for them. Also this is not proofed by my friend so there may be mistakes which I apologize for in advance. If (and when) I write more for them I'll definitely ask her but I didn't want to bug her as she is reading my other things for my other ship.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

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Sweet and spice, it was what Jared inhaled….a sexy mixture that was all Michaela. It always drove him nuts whenever they were together so much so that he wondered if she knew. No doubt she did, she always had her fingers on his buttons knowing just when to press. With his eyes closed he inhaled her scent as he held her more firmly to his chest uncaring if he was a predictable open book to her because, he knew just how to pull her strings too. That thought made him smile as another part of his anatomy stiffened and stirred before reality came crashing down upon him making him freeze, and his eyes snapped open.

Instead of Michaela in his arms, sleeping like a beautiful angel, it was his wife that lied there. Guilt so strong and raw knifed through him cutting him to the quick just as massive disappointment nearly suffocated him. Guilt, because while he had dreams of Michaela during his marriage to Lourdes this was altogether different now with the fact that Michaela wasn't a ghost haunting his dreams anymore. She was flesh and blood and the woman he was thinking and longing for while in bed with his wife. His hard on wasn't for the woman he said his vows to and laid in bed with, but rather for a woman he had thought had perished. But the disappointment he felt clung to him because Michaela had been the one he wanted to grow old with. Michaela had been the one he wanted to have children with. Now she was back, just as he had prayed for, and he still couldn't be with her. A tight knot in the back of his throat grew threatening to choke his breath off and suddenly it became imperative that he get up. Moving quietly, so not to disturb his wife's slumber, he rolled onto his back and rubbed a hand over his forehead and eyes.

His movements were slow, like he was underwater, as Jared sat up while pushing the comforter off his body enough to swing his legs over the edge of the bed, and sat there for a few moments. Forearms resting on his thighs, he bowed his head and took some deep breaths. Need for something that the woman beside him couldn't give sent him to his feet and padded to the bathroom barefoot and disoriented. With the door closed he turned on the light and proceeded to splash some cold water on his face. His reality was Lourdes was his wife. Michaela wasn't.

Jared lifted his head to stare at his reflection in the mirror. He always thought of himself as a good guy, who always tried to do the right thing, but what kind of man was he when he longed for another woman while in the same bed with his wife. But the circumstances weren't usual. How often did the woman you wanted to spend your life with, the one you were waiting to say yes to your proposal, came back from the dead? For Michaela, time hadn't gone by as it had for him. Did she still love him? Even though it made him feel like a giant dick, he hoped she did. He hoped she still loved him even though he was married to her best friend because he still loved her.

He closed his eyes to hide away from the man in the mirror, who just openly admitted, even to himself, that he was still in love with Michaela. He did love his wife, truly he did. But Michaela stirred his soul in a way that no one ever did before. Their heat could consume them at a moment's notice. She was his heaven and hell. He'd have done anything for her. Still would. But he was committed to his marriage and didn't take the vows he made to Lourdes lightly. He promised her that they would grow old together. Not Michaela.

Jared quietly shut the water off and made his way back to bed as he firmly pushed Michaela out of his mind. He climbed back into bed and laid staring up at the ceiling when Lourdes rolled over and snuggled up to him making him stiffen before he forced himself to relax and wrap an arm around her.

"What's wrong?" she asked sleepily.

"Nothing just had a dream. Go back to sleep," he softly ordered before kissing her on the top of her head.

She sighed as she laid a hand on his heart. "Okay, love you." she whispered faintly as she drifted back to sleep.

Jared swallowed hard. "Love you too," he responded and worried that deep down inside him that he didn't love her nearly as much as he should.

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AN: Just a little thing that I wanted to write in Jared's POV. Anyways, thanks for reading!


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